Is happiness REALLY a choice?

Updated: March 2026

I was talking to a friend who said, "I know I should just choose to be happy, but I can't seem to make it stick."

Sound familiar?

I'm sure you've heard the saying "happiness is a choice" right? So, why would anyone intentionally CHOOSE anything other than happiness? That would be crazy, right?

Here's what I've learned: The choice to be happy isn't just about positive thinking. It's about resourcefulness.

The choice to be happy is based on where we place our focus and keep our attention. Your mind can filter out anything negative and keep your focus on positivity. However, to remain 'happy', our brain has to continue blocking or deflecting anything that is in contrast to a 'happy' state.

The degree of your personal resourcefulness will greatly impact your ability to maintain a positive focus. Unfortunately, your resourcefulness can, at times, be depleted by the magnitude (quantity or severity) of life challenges.

Think of resourcefulness like a bank account.

Every event in life is either a deposit into or a withdrawal from that bank account. Every one of us is responsible for keeping our accounts FULL enough to accommodate life's daily withdrawals.

Do you remember the last time you were newly in love? You know, that euphoric state of being where everything is rosy and nothing bad affects you? In that state, your resourcefulness is sky high, and all the crap that could be going on around you just runs off of you. Your emotional bank account is so full that you are able to keep your emotions at that level in spite of life's events that could potentially bring you down.

"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy." ~~ Guillaume Apollinaire

It would be nice to sustain that feeling of new love, but since it's highly unrealistic, what else could we do to keep our resourcefulness high or our emotional bank account full?

What fills your emotional bank account (deposits):

• Good nutrition and regular movement

• Exercise that feels good to your body

• Prayer, meditation, and quiet time

• Healthy friendships and real connection

• Clear, honest communication with yourself and others

• Forgiveness and letting go

• Patience born of compassion

• Saying yes when we mean yes and no when we mean no

• Truly good self-care

• Healthy boundaries

  
  

What depletes it (withdrawals):

• Unhealthy work or personal situations

• Excessive personal and professional demands

• Not honoring your values, thoughts or needs

• Taking on too much for the sake of being 'nice'

• Unhealthy eating or sleeping habits

• Tolerations of any kind

• Breaking promises with others, but especially with ourselves

  
  

When withdrawals exceed deposits, it will be difficult for you to deflect life's challenges, and happiness will be fleeting.

Here's what this looks like in real life:

I had a client who came to me exhausted, wondering why she couldn't "just be happy" when she had so much to be grateful for. When we looked at her life, the withdrawals were relentless: a demanding job, aging parents, kids' activities, volunteer commitments she didn't want to do but felt obligated to accept.

Her deposits? Almost zero.

She wasn't eating well, hadn't exercised in months, and couldn't remember the last time she'd said no to something. She was running her emotional bank account into the ground every single day.

No amount of positive thinking could overcome that deficit.

Once she started making real deposits, setting boundaries, prioritizing sleep, and saying no to obligations that drained her, happiness stopped feeling like such hard work. It became natural again. Not because she suddenly "chose" it, but because she finally had the resourcefulness to sustain it.

Of course, there may be situations in life that can challenge even the most resourceful person. However, they will bounce back more easily and quickly as they can redirect their focus to the positive side of life.

Success habits create a resourceful and happy person. So practice good self-care and empowering habits and by all means... Be happy!

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Ready to fill your emotional bank account?

If you're running on empty and happiness feels impossible to hold onto, let's talk.

Sometimes we need someone to help us see where we're depleting ourselves and how to start making real deposits again.

Book a Clarity Session

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P.S. Leave a comment if this made you think. What's one deposit you're going to make in your emotional bank account this week?

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