Updated: Nov 18, 2020
Money or peace of mind?
Security or happiness?
Which would you choose if you had to pick one over the other?
Do you know someone who’s NOT where they want to be? Maybe they’re unhappy/unfulfilled, they worry a lot, are always stressed out, are insecure, underachieving, second guess everything, have resentments or broken relationships, or just don’t know what they want or what will bring them joy.
Maybe you know someone like this intimately?
YET, when it comes to investing in the support that can take them to the outcome they SAY they want, they find every excuse against it and choose to hold on to their money and their 'unwanted condition'.
Why? What is the value of money in the bank when they’re too unhappy to even appreciate it? Why choose security over joy when the lack of joy is robbing them of the richness of life?
The truth is that most people are addicted to being unhappy, to being stuck, to being unfulfilled, to being… whatever. The predicable misery is less scary than the uncertainty of change and their current condition has a hidden PAY-OFF for them.
They may say they WANT better; their UNWILLINGNESS to commit time or resources to really GETTING what they say they want tells another story.
This is summed up in the saying "Put your money where your mouth is" (Webster's Definition).
Jane wants to lose weight, yet she will not invest in a gym membership or a personal trainer or exercise equipment or clean eating. Every day she remains sedentary, eats the same bad food and complains about being heavy and wanting to lose weight. NO.SHE.DOES.NOT. want to lose weight. Her ACTIONS convey the truth.
The truth: We will ALWAYS invest in the things we are deeply committed to having/achieving, until then, the ‘WANTING’ is merely a smoke screen. If we remain in a pattern, there is something we are gaining from being in it. Yes, even a painful one. Asking the question “what am I gaining from remaining in this?” and being brutally honest with ourselves, will reveal the REAL reason why we are NOT ready to change. When we are ready to give up what we gain from being in our so- called ‘unwanted condition’, then, and only then, will we do what it takes to change it. Not a minute before.
Don't believe me? Consider the person in an unhappy relationship who constantly dreams about what COULD be. She talks about what she REALLY desire yet does nothing to bring that desire about. The truth is that there is a PAY-OFF to staying in that unfulfilling relationship. It could be that she's getting SOME love, any love, or her basic need of security is being met, or that it's keeping her a victim to a story she's been living into, or that she would have to give up the house or something else that she's enjoying in the current situation. At a minimum, it's keeping her from actually DOING what is needed to attain her real desires.
The mind is complex, but everything we do, we DO FOR A GOOD REASON - be it conscious or unconscious.
So, the next time you see someone who is in that same old place of unhappy complacency, tell them to be honest with themselves; they are NOT willing to change their situation because they are GAINING something from it. If they were willing and ready, they would search out a solution, a guide, a system to help them achieve it – no matter the cost.
The bottom line: A person becomes ready for the outcomes they desire when they are willing to invest in them. They’ve identified what they're GAINING from being stuck and are now choosing to work towards what’s truly possible. Until then, their complaints are just smoke screens for something they are CHOOSING to live with. They are CHOOSING to remain where they are because of the hidden pay-off of doing so.
I know this is a hard truth to read - but a truth none the less.
Step 1 - Identify what being in your UNWANTED condition is gaining you (sympathy, being right, punishing someone, forgoing responsibility, don't need to step up, get to be a victim, etc.)
Step 2 - Own your truth. At some level your are CHOOSING where you are.
Step 3 - Give up the smoke screen "I want to ________" OR give up what you're GAINING by being where you are
Step 4 - CHOOSE and move forward accordingly...
Step 5 - Stop the blaming and the excuses and OWN your choice!
If I can help you gain clarity on this CLICK HERE to schedule a "GET CLARITY CHAT". We will explore and uncover what's underneath you tolerating ANYTHING you say you don't want and keeping you from actually going for what you say you DO want.
Either way, be honest with yourself. Change IT or own IT!