Updated: Jul 6
When the Beatles wrote the song 'Let It be' it was a beautiful sentiment indeed. It's beautiful to imagine all the people living in harmony with each other and the planet but unfortunately that is NOT the case. Not even close.
Why is it so hard to let things BE?
We all have an opinion about the way things should be, what people should do, what they shouldn't do. We have opinions about everything and for most of us, it's hard to let those opinions go when it comes to someone NOT doing what we THINK is RIGHT.
Your friend is pursuing something or someone but you think she should NOT. Your nephew is not making the right choices and you think he should be making different ones. Your husband doesn't stand up to his boss the way you think he should. Your daughter doesn't thank you the way you believe she should. The list is endless.
And the problem is not that we have an OPINION about these scenarios but rather that they become our very focus, consume our every thought and ultimately affect the way we feel.
I have yet to meet a client who wasn't struggling with something someone in their life was DOING or NOT DOING. One of their prominent challenges was the inability to let others and life just 'be'. Their fixation on OTHERS had become an addiction to wanting to control external behaviors of partners, friends, family members, coworkers, etc.
You see, the Ego is the dominant part of our personality, and IT is very opinionated, full of ideas and beliefs about how things 'should' be. IT incessantly tries to PROVE ITs ideas and beliefs in order to validate itself. IT believes 'If I can get you to see MY viewpoint and get you to follow it, I am then validated as being 'RIGHT' and the discomfort I feel about your 'WRONG' choice goes away. IT now believes it has fixed you with its infinite well of wisdom and, having done so, feels empowered
It's difficult, especially when we see someone's 'wrong' choice really hurting them. Like the woman that stays in the abusive marriage or the man who stays in the dead-end job. It's difficult sometimes to ACCEPT the decisions of others when they are clearly the WRONG decision - in OUR opinion.
Everything we do as human beings are based on our experiences, feelings, beliefs, fears, needs and the complexity of our personalities and emotions (our lenses). This delicate mix then does NOT always create the most logical outcome but it does, create the lesson for the individual going through it.
Everything serves us on our journey through life. Everything is orchestrated to teach us something, even in the most difficult of situations. When we impose OUR perspective of what is right for another, it becomes empty and futile for we are seeing our 'RIGHT' perspective through our OWN set of lenses rather than those of the person experiencing it. They cannot then, come to the same perspective as ours until they have gained the understandings that would create it.
The challenges, sorrows and problems experienced are conditions of the lesson intended for the individual.
I truly believe we are each on our own journey through life and therefore needs to allow other's paths to unfold as they will. It is very hard because naturally, we want to help and want the best for those we love however, their life reflects THEIR OWN experiences, thoughts, needs, beliefs and therefore, we can never impose OURS onto them because they WILL NOT fit into the way their Journey was designed for them.
At times, lessons are imparted through painful dynamics that are a part of the soul's journey. Pain moves a person to look, to explore, to ponder and hopefully to learn and grow. When they have accumulated the 'RIGHT KNOWLEDGE' the formula for a NEW and BETTER decision is created. Until then, a DIFFERENT choice is nearly impossible.
We are mere participants in the lesson's unfolding.
Our part is NOT to project, impose or try to control (for it is futile to do so) but rather to lovingly be a witness to the process, extending wisdom, love and ultimate acceptance of what IS or is NOT.
In that way, our own lessons and learning are also being carried out in the same process. They are struggling through their lesson and we are learning our own lesson of acceptance and allowing things 'TO BE'.
Our only JOB then is to LOVE as we go through the journey of life!
P.S. Let me know if this has resonated with you. How do you see control playing out in your life? What is the lesson it is teaching you?
I would love to chat if you need support in this area. Go to my website and schedule a chat with me - it's always free to do so.